Money And Relationships

 

Money is often a sensitive topic in relationships, with many individuals opting not to disclose their financial positions entirely to their significant other.

 

Yet, not talking about money may put you at a disadvantage when it comes to your financial wellness. You may find that you and your partner are working at cross purposes because neither knows the others financial abilities, their ambitions nor the challenges each struggle with personally.

 

By being open to conversations about money, you can put yourself in a position to be able to align your goals as a couple and work as a unit towards joint financial success. You will additionally be better able to begin having these conversations with your family, your friends and, perhaps most importantly, with your kids. You will have broken the taboo and encouraged healthy dialogue amongst those around you that will have a positive impact on their financial futures.

 

If you want your relationship to have the best possible outcome, do yourself and your partner a favour: Start talking about money.

Here are a few conversation starters to help you begin.

 

Money Discussions you should have in your relationships:

1.       Your Financial Goals. You will find that your life goals are closely intertwined with your financial goals, so not discussing your financial goals with your partner often means you may be on different paths. Discussing your dreams and goals will enable the two of you to begin to align your purposes and ensure you are working towards achieving the same family vision.

2.     Your Incomes. While disclosing how much you earn can feel very uncomfortable, the success of a relationship depends on transparency about this, as it helps manage expectations. When having this discussion, it is key for both parties to reserve all judgement and begin to think of income as just one of the many contributions one makes towards the team. Earning more money than your partner does not mean you are contributing more to the relationship – there are several other forms of contribution.

3.     Your Expenditures. Have an open dialogue about what expenses you have (both individually and as a family) and decide who should pay for what. It is within this conversation that you can address any challenges such as one of you being an over-spender or the need for the family to have a mutually agreed-upon budget. You will also be able to discuss whether either of you feels obliged to support their parents or extended family, and how you will manage it (Read more about how to manage “black tax” HERE.).

4.     Your Debt. Ideally, debt acquired by either party should be discussed beforehand, but if this has not been the case, disclose your indebtedness in full. You can then decide as a couple what debts need to be eliminated first, any debts that can be consolidated and what your rules will be for borrowing in the future.

5.     Your Assets and Investments. You should be open with your partner about the things and investments you own as well as what plans you have for them. Within this conversation, you will discover if your risk appetites are similar, and come up with mutually acceptable terms outlining how you will make investments decisions going forward.

 

How to talk about money:

1.       Be kind. Avoid being accusatory or judgmental.

2.       Listen. Each of you should actively listen when the other is speaking, and you should both be allowed an equal opportunity to air views.

3.       Be open-minded. Go into the discussion ready to listen and make compromises. Be willing to try and accept a point of you that may be different from yours.

4.       Stay calm. Do not let emotions take over the conversation. If you feel the discussion is getting too heated or accusatory, mutually agree to end it and resume it once tempers have cooled.

5.       Be honest. Resist the urge to either embellish the truth or to omit relevant information.

 

So, how can you start this uncomfortable discussion? Here are some questions that can help you begin the money talk.

 

7-question that can help you start the money discussion with your partner:

1.       What would you like to change about how we handle money as a couple/family?

2.       What do you appreciate about what we’ve done with our money so far?

3.       What limits or rules do you think we should put in place to help us manage how we financially support other family members and/or friends?

4.       What can we do to improve our financial position?

5.       What are some of our financial goals for this year, within the next 5 years and in 10 years?

6.       What do you think we should consider investing in?

7.       What are your long-term career goals? (or, are you happy at your job? How long would you like to stay there?)

 

Candid dialogue about money will enable both you and your spouse to grow together financially. The more you talk about money, the more opportunities you will find for development.

 

If you would like for you and your partner to discuss with me to find out if the Thrive! Coaching program can assist you to manage your finances together as a team, book a free 30-minute ZOOM call HERE.